by Jim Beers
As
someone that has expended much time and effort trying to counteract the
drive by environmentalists, animal rights radicals, Federal bureaucrats, UN
bureaucrats, State bureaucrats, University professors, and assorted
"do-good" politicians to establish a Federal role for
"controlling"
INVASIVE SPECIES; I can report that it is a deadly serious threat to all of
us and that precious little humor emerges in the fray. So it is with great
enthusiasm and much enjoyment that I can hereby publicize the winner of this
year's (2005) INVASIVE SPECIES HUMOR AWARD.
Last week, upon return from a trip to Israel, a reader shared a response
from a Senate staffer regarding INVASIVE SPECIES authority wording that was
surreptitiously dropped by some Senator in the Transportation Bill currently
before Congress. It is because it cannot pass muster in an open debate
that
this sneaky method was adopted by certain unnamed Federal politicians. The
must-pass, multi-billion dollar highway bill has been made the vehicle for
the beginning of Federal INVASIVE SPECIES authority exactly like the
ENDANGERED SPECIES ACT established Federal authority over a hodgepodge of
species, subspecies, etc.; as well as over private property and a range of human
activities from hunting to pet ownership and logging.
The Federal staffer told the constituent that "Jim Beers is just
wrong"
(about Federal INVASIVE SPECIES authority in the Transportation Bill)
because they only wanted to control "harmful" INVASIVE SPECIES.
I wrote an
article (DRIVING INVASIVE SPECIES -4/22/05) showing how you could drive a
Mack truck through their definition and bring ALL INVASIVE SPECIES (i.e. ALL
NON-NATIVE SPECIES) under Federal control using their "definition".
Those who read that article notice that I quoted the staffer as saying that
the language would "only" affect things like "kudzu, tansy
ragwort, and
Canada thistle, and scotch broom". Ah, kudzu - the darling species
and primary bugaboo of the INVASIVE SPECIES advocates for years. If I had
a nickel for every time I have read and seen dramatic pictures of or heard (in
hearings especially) how kudzu is devouring everything that does not walk, crawl
or fly, I could spend a month eating in the most expensive restaurants in
Manhattan. The pictures are especially effective with urbanites and
children. The trees covered with the vines, the large and usually dirty
leaves, and the captions about
gazillions of acres and thousands of Native Species about to vanish rival
those Saturday afternoon Godzilla movies for potboiler of the week.
Every INVASIVE SPECIES advocate mentions kudzu. Then in the next breath it
is proposed that the ONLY thing that will "save" us and our children
is more
Federal authority and then a UN Convention on either INVASIVE SPECIES or
NATIVE ECOSYSTEM PRESERVATION (really the same thing only the latter title
sounds more "scientific"). Then of course the Congress will
appropriate
Billions, the Federal bureaucrats and UN bureaucrats will further exploit
American property rights and State rights, Bureaucracies will grow and
salaries and bonuses proliferate, States will get "more" Federal
money,
University professors will get millions in grants (just like Endangered
Species), and the radical organizations will steer the bureaucrats and
courts to eliminate everything from horseback riding (they poop INVASIVE
seeds) to highly sought after game birds and fish (they weren't here to
greet Columbus or Lewis & Clark or whoever). All in all, INVASIVE
SPECIES
is a win-win for all of the above "usual suspects" but, what about
kudzu our
old darling of the movement?
I hereby submit the following news article for INVASIVE SPECIES JOKE OF THE
YEAR. From the 4-27-05 Washington Times, page 2:
GOATS GOBBLE PESKY VINE
Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Peachtree City, Ga.
When Peachtree City learned killing kudzu with chemicals and manpower might
cost $387,000 per year, officials considered farming out the job - to goats.
"They're tearing the stuff up," said Mayor Steve Brown, who
conducted
Internet research on kudzu-gobbling animals.
City Council members joked about it at a retreat, then weighed the cost
of
goats against conventional cutting and spraying. "All of a sudden,
the
goats started looking pretty good," Mr. Brown said.
An estimated 40 acres of Peachtree City's green space is infested with
kudzu - the dogged weed that makes its unwelcome comeback this time of year.
Kudzu, sometimes called "the vine that ate the South" grows a
foot a day
when the weather is warm, so it doesn't take long to smother thousands of
acres. Trees encased in kudzu die from lack of light and native species
are
crowded out.
Goats, however, love kudzu, gobbling it up "just like ice
cream," said
John Jenkins, a tax preparer in Tyrone, Ga., who has raised goats for 14
years.
So there you have it. Who should we choose to "save us" from the
vine that
eats the South? More $150,000 (salary-only) bureaucrats and UN do-gooders
and radical influence peddlers, or some goats; more Federal power and more
elimination of State authorities or local landowners and local governments
doing what they have always done for the common good; decisions, decisions.
Who are we to believe? Our Federal bureaucrats and politicians and UN
bureaucrats and University professors and environmental/animal rights
radicals and the TV Nature shows, etc. or "a tax preparer in Tyrone, Ga.
Who
has raised goats for 14 years"?
The "tax preparer" and his goats get my vote and I don't think you
need a
retired wildlife biologist to tell you how to vote on this one either.
This
is so funny, Seinfeld couldn't have made it up.
They say the best humor always has a kernel of truth in it. This one has a
whole ear of corn in it. INVASIVE SPECIES is a joke that should be
eliminated from the public discourse and those that back it should switch
over to standup comedy. Call or write your Senator and especially Senators
Max Baucus (D - Montana) and Kit Bond (R - Missouri) and tell them to take
the INVASIVE SPECIES language out of the Transportation Bill and to leave
authority over plants and animals where the Constitution placed it - under
State governments.
Jim Beers
28 April 2005
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