“I should have seen it coming.”  Robert Redford in “The Natural”.

Yesterday was a very busy one for me.  Supper was one of my quickie favorite
meals of kielbasa and sauerkraut.  Then I dashed off to a meeting that went
to 9 PM.  As my colleagues and I conversed after the meeting, I had a Diet
Coke and then drove home through a windy rain/sleet/snow storm that was a
full-fledged blizzard North and West of me.  As I crawled into bed, my
fatigue and the gas roiling my stomach (sauerkraut plus coke) brought sleep
quickly despite my busy thoughts and noticeable discomfort.  Was it any
wonder that I would dream?

I found myself suddenly walking through the glass doors of a fancy and
expensive office complex high in a modern, urban office building.  The glass
doors and the glass side panels were decorated with trees and animals
interspersed with the names of the staff encased in initials and phrases
like LL.B., LL.D., J.S.D., Ph.D., D.V.M., Atty, Dr., M.S., Esq., “The
Honorable”, and “Retired US Senator”.  The attractive receptionist looked up
and said, “You’re early for the Seminar.  Please be seated and as soon as
they get the Board Room ready you can go in.”

As I sat down in the large reception room and began opening the book I had
with me, I noticed the far wall and saw what appeared to be a very large and
garish modern art painting.  Although I found it exceedingly ugly, I noticed
that there were horizontal, wooden rods above it and a sort of control panel
of electronic buttons alongside it with small identification tags next to
each button.  Below the painting was some sort of Legend like you might find
with a map showing each color on the map with a few words next to each
color.  There were many colors.  Suddenly, it struck me that the “painting”
was actually one of those western “square” or “rectangular” states and all
those colors were identifying things.  Try as I could, my mind in the dream
was unable to identify the state.  I couldn’t seem to help myself as I got
up and crossed the room to see what this strange “thing” was.

Upon closer examination, the colors were all divided by fine lines on the
painting and none seemed to run together.  My mind, that could not identify
the state (something that should have been second-nature for me) seemed to
be aware of the names of the colors on the legend (something I have no real
knowledge of or experience with) as I looked down at them.  Here is what I
saw.

The Magenta color denoted “National Forest Lands”.

The Brown color denoted “National Park Service Lands”.

The Dark Blue color denoted “National Wildlife Refuge Lands”.

The Light Green color denoted “Bureau of Land Management Lands”.

The Puce color denoted the “Bureau of Reclamation Lands”.

The Olive Green color denoted “US Army Corps of Engineer Lands”.

The Light Yellow color denoted “US Defense Department Lands”.

The Wheat crosshatching color denoted “Potential Surplus Defense Department
Lands”

The Papaya Whip color denoted “Private Property Suitable for Defense
Department Expansions”.

The Pink color denoted “Indian Reservations”

The Charcoal color denoted “State Wildlife Areas Being Converted to Native
Ecosystem Research Units”.

The Khaki color denoted “Lands Owned by The Nature Conservancy”.

The Ivory color denoted “Remaining Private Property In holdings On Federal
Lands”.

The Lavender color denoted “Lands Under Federal Agency Easements”.

The Salmon color denoted “Lands Under The Nature Conservancy Easements”.

The White Smoke color denoted “Private Property in the Process of
Acquisition or Easement by TNC”.

The Maroon color denoted “Private Property Owned by Contributors and
Cooperators”.

The Purple color denoted “Lands Under Easement to TNC Subsidiary Trust
Front-Organizations”.

The Moccasin color denoted “State Lands Closed to All But Walk-In Access”.

The Medium Violet Red color denoted “Small Towns, Suburbs, Business Areas,
and Penitentiaries”.

The Teal color denoted “Medium and Large Urban Areas - To Remain”.

The Steel Blue color denoted “Unprotected Private Property (L=Livestock, F=
Farms, R=Residential)”

Then, at the bottom, it said, “See Buttons To Right For Overlays”. 

I moved to the right and there were 5 buttons, each with a small metal name
tag next to it.  I pushed the first button labeled “Endangered Species”.

A clear screen-like overlay attached to the lowest rod above the map
descended slowly and stopped in front of the map.  Like the map it was
colorful but with fewer colors and less of the map colored.  The Legend
explaining the colors on the overlay read as follows:

The Thistle color denoted “Currently Authorized and Designated Critical
Habitats”.

The Powder Blue color denoted “Proposed Critical Habitat Additions for
Listed Species”.

The Rosy Brown color denoted “Proposed Critical Habitat for Proposed
Endangered Species”.

The Navy Blue color denoted “Legally Justified but As Yet Undesignated
Critical Habitats for Listed and Proposed Endangered Species and Threatened
Species”.

The Lime Green color denoted “Potential Critical Habitats for Potential
Endangered Species, (M=Mammal, B=Bird, F=Fish, I=Insect, R=Reptile, and
P=Plant). See Classified Report # 27.”

The Hot Pink color denoted “Areas Where Endangered Species/Hunting, Fishing,
Trapping/Grazing/Logging Conflicts Exist and Crosshatching Denotes Areas of
Conflicts for Courts To Resolve”.

The Sea Shell color denoted “Politically Sensitive Areas.  See TNC Staff;
Senator 9; Congressman 3; Bureaucrat J; or Czar 1”.

The Black Spots denoted “Current Wolf Manifestations Updated as of 3-19-11”.

The Beige Spots denoted “Current Grizzly Bear Incidents Updated as of
3-12-11”.

I looked at the next button and it was labeled “Protected Areas”.  I pushed
it and it came down as the Endangered Species overlay quietly went back up.
Unlike the first overlay, this one had larger colored areas and fewer
colors.  Its Legend read:

The Slate Grey color denoted “Designated Wilderness Areas “.

The Honeydew color denoted “Proposed and Potential Wilderness Areas”.

The Lemon Chiffon color denoted “Areas Where Grazing Allotments Have Been
Eliminated”.

The Fire Brick color denoted “Areas Where Logging Has Been Eliminated”.

The Cyan color denoted “Designated Roadless Areas”.

The Gainsboro color denoted “Proposed and Potential Roadless Areas”.

The Maroon color denoted “Areas Subject to Vehicular and Pedestrian Access
Licensing Charges, Suitability Testing, and Permit Restrictions”.

The Dark Violet color denoted “Designated Archeological Sensitive Areas”.

The Royal Blue color denoted “Designated Ecologically Sensitive Riparian
Areas”.

The Dim Grey color identified “ Designated and Potential (Crosshatched)
Historic Sites”.

The Alice Blue color denoted “Registered Native Ecosystem Research and Study
Areas”.

The Dodge Blue color denoted “Designated Wild and Scenic River with ¼-mile
Setback Authority”.

The Pale Green color with crosshatching denoted “Areas Where Hunting,
Fishing, Trapping, and Wildlife Management Have Been Eliminated By Access
Restriction, Easement Restriction, or Federal Regulation.  See Classified
Report # 14.”

I looked at the third button and its label, “Energy”.  I pushed it and
watched it replace the disappearing “Protected Areas” overlay.  The Energy
overlay was simpler yet.  There were several large colored areas with many
green and bright orange slashes and rectangles all over the overlay.  Its
Legend read:

The Black color denoted “Coal”.

The Light Grey color denoted “Natural Gas”.

The Burlywood color denoted “Oil”.

The Forest Green slashes and rectangles denoted “Energy Access Blocked.  See
Classified Report #7.”

The Bright Orange slashes and rectangles denoted “High Priority Energy
Access Targets. See Classified Report #21.

The Pale Turquoise color denoted “Future Wind Turbine Farms”.

The Peach Puff color denoted “Future Solar Panel/Mirror Fields”.

The fourth button was labeled “Proposals”.  I pushed and as it descended I
saw several large octopus-shaped colored areas on the overlay.  I looked at
the Legend and saw:

The Indigo color denoted “Free-Roaming Buffalo Proposal #6”

Jim Beers is a retired US Fish & Wildlife Service Wildlife Biologist,
Special Agent, Refuge Manager, Wetlands Biologist, and Congressional Fellow.
He was stationed in North Dakota, Minnesota, Nebraska, New York City, and
Washington DC.  He also served as a US Navy Line Officer in the western
Pacific and on Adak, Alaska in the Aleutian Islands.  He has worked for the
Utah Fish & Game, Minneapolis Police Department, and as a Security
Supervisor in Washington, DC.  He testified three times before Congress;
twice regarding the theft by the US Fish & Wildlife Service of $45 to 60
Million from State fish and wildlife funds and once in opposition to
expanding Federal Invasive Species authority.  He resides in Eagan,
Minnesota with his wife of many decades.

Jim Beers is available to speak or for consulting at   jimbeers7@comcast.net