Ah! The wonders of nature

By Pat Ratliff

Klamath Courier staff writer

April 5, 2006

It is spring time in the basin again, and I am once more filled with sensations of awe and wonder.  It is during this time of year, especially, that one can see nature preparing for the coming seasons.  It is that special time of year where, if one is so inclined, one can look deeply into the inner workings of all that goes on around us and see the connections of man and nature.

Call it Mother Nature, call it Gods Plan, call it whatever you want or nothing at all.  It is here for all to know, to experience and to live by and with in harmony.

Late March and early April in the Basin gives us a chance to be one with nature as some of our most noticeable creatures begin their annual spring time rituals.

First, we see the Yellow-Backed Spineless Governmental Agency Rat (slitherosae authoritus imbecilius) slithering blindly from their holes and cubicles.  Squinting in the first sunlight in months, the Agency Rats can be seem scrambling for the nearest Red Lion conference room,  briefcases filled with power point presentations, doctored fish counts, pre-Columbian water graphs, unfinished Hardy studies and requests to the Federal Government for more money.

More elusive, but sometimes spotted traveling quickly through the Basin is the Limp Jointed Forked Tongued Power Hungry Environmental Lobbyist Mutant Snird (reptilicus en grassius).  Spreading lies and half-truths as it travels from fund raiser to fund raiser; the half bird-half snake mutant can be seen fluffing and preening in front of every television camera and microphone possible.  Reports indicate some of these secretive snakes in the grass can occasionally be found emerging from back room deals with the afore mentioned Agency Rats, but sightings are rare, and understandably seldom documented.

Coinciding with the annual Rat and Lobbyist sightings come the captivating writings from the common Half Witted Lackey Local  Print Journalist Simian (Cluelessius HeraldandNewsius Hackus).  The blue-butted monkey Journalists (sic) can occasionally be seen in local coffee shops, but are lately found more often than not salivating around the Herald and News dedicated hotline to the office of Glen Spain of the Pacific Coast Federation of Fishermen’s Association, waiting to garner quotes from the non-existent fishing association talking head.

Later in the spring, when the weather warms up and settles down, those in the Basin will be treated to the emergence of the secretive Fair Weathered Agenda Driven One With Nature Pseudo-Scientist Mutton (Charlatanus Scientificae Fraudulentica).  These sheep like animals can be seen publicly in herds wandering aimlessly, following their agenda driven ideals and, like Sherman ’s march through the south, leaving a wasteland of hopelessness and despair in their wake.  Like a Komodo Dragon, anything coming from their mouths is vile and life threatening, but their real danger comes when they are unseen.  In seclusion, these pitiful excuses of living creatures plant linx hairs, falsify reports and anything else they can do to revise history and science to fit their agenda.  Science books generally describe these guys and gals as being burley, with varying degrees of facial hair, but in reality, not all the gals have facial hair.

There you have it, the wonders of nature in the Klamath Basin .  Readers are reminded to not get too close to these animals when viewing or taking pictures.  Respect their habitats or your worst nightmare may come true.  They themselves could be declared endangered species.

There’s also the part about the spring rut but, we won’t go there.

Permission post from the author.