Poo-Tectors of Wildlife
October 1, 2006
By Julie Kay Smithson propertyrights@earthlink.net
367 words.
Somewhere in Wildlands Country - A September 29, 2006, article
in the Washington Post, "Wildlife Waste Is Major
Water Polluter, Studies Say, http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/28/AR2006092801994.html,"
points out studies stating significant, serious threats from the defecation of
wildlife.
To that "end," the question is bound to "come
out:" "What kind of goods and services will be needed to stop all the
wildlife from defecating and polluting the world's lands and waters?
It is certain that entremanures will want to scoop up
this opportunity, since time is, as they say, a'wastein.'
Imagine the market for such diaper delights ...
The next question that begs answer is, "Who will
volunteer to doo-doo -- or be assigned -- the dirty job?"
That's an easy one: An estimated "countless" idealistic
contributors and members of Defenders of Wildlife, the World
Wildlife Fund, The Nature Conservancy, Sierra Club, and other
"visionaries" will be rushing out to empty the shelves! Few
should enjoy this more than "deep ecologists," who can be in it up
to their elbows! Perhaps college students and other youngsters being
"environmentally educated" could be persuaded to join the party,
although their parents would first be required to sign hold harmless waivers
before turning little Johnnie loose in the woods.
If that fails, the dirty job should be assigned to United
Nations policy crafters, all Wildlands Project implementing politicians and
bureaucrats, etc.
Gosh, that might have an "UN"-expected effect: the
population of Hollywood, Aspen, Manhattan, Washington, D.C., Jackson Hole,
Wyoming, Martha's Vineyard, and other enclaves of "greenspeak" might
take a nosedive.
The enterprise selling the diapers (imagine trying to "pin
one on" a bald eagle!) should have a catchy title: EndRUN!
might be appropriate!
Bison-Bummers for Ted Turner's future "Montana
Grill-Burgers."
CatScatters: for cougars, lynx, etc.
Wildlife PooCatchers: for "Winnie the Pooh-bears!"
Wolf Sport Catchers: guaranteed to hold all the livestock and
animal hair the critters consume without leakage.
The entire line could be called ... ahem ... End Products!
For wildlife in Amish Country: Thee End Products!
A diaper has already been invented for Australian
wildlife: Underoos!
Wildlife diapers must to be changed with good,
old-fashioned diaper pins. No Velcro -- no excitement in being able to change
'em quickly!
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